It’s been quite sometimes since I last blog. My apologies. Been busy with work and its been eating me till I feel lazy to even enter my blog, or even to blog. Thus during these periods, with the pressure & stress that I’m facing, pimples are visibly seen on my face now to show that I’m under a lot of pressure and stress. And the increase amount of time that I spend on gaming.

On 17th to 22nd August was the auditing period. Even the week before that, I was busy in preparing the necessary documentations as well as to recover most of the items. So many ups and downs during that period. And a lot of frustrations. I was at my wits. Wanting to let go but each time I desire to do that, I’m just unable to let it go. And eventually, my bossy-ness was unveiled when I’m unable to get the right information from the people under me. A change in TA was a bit of relieved to me thou he came at the wrong timing. Reason was that the old TA will talk big as thou he knows everything. Its like how to say.. Amik tin milo yang kosong, pukul /gendang..eventually you will hear there’s a hollow sound. And this old TA will always try and cut my sentences when I’m talking, which I utterly find it extremely rude. At least let me finish my sentence before interrupting.

Plus we had to go through 2 days of auditing and there’s a lot of huuuhaaa..as my sup didn’t update me with the condemnation list and its not my fault though. *sigh* oh well.

And within that 2 weeks, I made a decision to extend my stay to another year. Reason is not because I like them so much. Its because I don’t wish my cv to appear ugly. I just don’t wish the future interviewers to ask me why I didn’t intend to continue. I’m sick of telling that I’m finding for better opportunities. And dealing with educators really makes me sick as I just don’t like them to order this and that even if the situation is a minor, whereby they can do it themselves. I’m not paid to be their servants eventhough I do help once in awhile in troubleshooting.

But you can’t expect me to do everything. And they always say that their situation is very important, thus I’ve to attend asap. If 10 educators gives me the reason saying that its important, I can’t possibly cut myself into 10 and be in 10 venues at the same time. At least spare a thought for us. Most of the time, we sacrifice our lunch just to deal their problems. But to them, its our problem if we didn’t have lunch or not. Pffftt…! That’s why I find them extremely arrogant and ignorant. All they care is that their problem, we should settle it.

I really hope that my next job isn’t something that deals with educators anymore. I have enough of it.

Religion lessons have been shifted to Saturdays during the fasting month and I don’t really like the class as the “classmates” are pretty quiet. It really makes me feel sleepy at times during lesson and Ustaz have always been picking on me or Lia for answers instead of the rest. Most probably they don’t really respond much. Oh well.

Saw car accident on my way back home just now from masjid, just in front of the Tua Peh Kong near my home, whereby cars can turn into Defu lane near the Camel warehouse. Both cars are badly damaged.

And I was pretty pissed with Abah when I’m on the way home just now. You see, I just feel that I don’t know my Abah anymore. I know when I was little, I find Abah was the best dad I’ve ever known. Now it makes me wonder. Every year, since I stepped into Secondary school.. I never failed to get scolded by him.. Yes I know that sometimes its for the best. But nowadays I find that he’s too much.

It was raining just now when the class at the masjid ends. So after taking the porridge at the masjid, I waited for my Abah as it was raining. I know I don’t usually wait for him but since today Mama didn’t follow, I thought I just wait for him. And I just don’t want him to get wet from the rain. 5 minutes passed and 10 minutes passed. Still no signs of him but his slippers were there. I was feeling agitated and restless, so I called Mama to complain to her.

So I went out without Abah feeling pissed. While waiting for the bus, Abah appeared, so I told him about my dissatisfaction. Surprisingly, he told me off at the bustop itself. Sigh. Even when we reached home, Mama asked how come we’re home at the same time. That’s when Abah started to scold me repeatedly for waiting. He didn’t even bother hearing my explanation.

I just don’t get it. I’m the one who should be feeling pissed, but in the end I’m the one who’s getting hurt. He kept on saying if he dies there, it’s not my problem. I just don’t know him anymore. *sobs* And it makes me feel as thou I shouldn’t be breaking my fast at home tonight.

Sometimes I feel that I’m better off without a dad. I just can’t take it anymore to have someone who is called a dad saying all those things when I don’t even have any ill intentions.