My lovely baby just passed away today at about 2.30am. I was sleeping when my brother woke both my sister and I. He told us that my baby simply just dropped dead and gone. Especially me. I was speechless. Why? Because the night before, I didn't even checked on him. I simply bid my baby Good Night and I covered his cage with the cloth.

My brother told me that my baby called him while he was sleeping. I was wondering how come my brother can hear him calling out when my brother is the most difficult person to wake up.

From his face, i saw some wetness under the eyelids. Perhaps he was crying before his last breathe. My sister started to cry and stroke him gently, while I looked on still speechless. And I really saw that his eyelids were half closed.

He's really very soft and lay on my sister's hand motionlessly and looks like helplessly. My brother told us that he did tried to call my baby out, trying not to let him close his eyes, but i guess he was fated to go first. And looked like he smiled. And then his eyes slowly shut. At least he didn't suffer long because of his leg.

After we spent like 15 minutes, I went back to bed laying down thinking of my baby. I just couldn't help thinking he's gone. And slowly my tears started to drop. I really couldn't hold back my tears. And after a few toss and turn, I fell asleep around 330am.

There, I dreamt that I saw my baby boy and baby girl flying happily. And I told my sister that my babies still alive. But my sister kept telling me that both are gone forever. I refused to believe her. Yet I told her that they were there.

My mom woke up for us to eat our early breakfast. I didn't want to wake up as my babies were in my dream. Then, my mom told me she did silly things after my brother woke her up at 4am. She switched off the electric kettle before it started to boil. And she didn't put salt in her vegetable dish.

My brother had a quick breakfast and he wanted to bury my baby under the tree, which is in front of the block. My sister had hers and followed my brother down. They dug a small hole and placed him (which dey placed on a white sheet of cloth and wrapped him up) and then placed him there before covering the hole up and level it up as we fear that cats might dug the soil up.

And I came down and looked on as my sister poured water to the soil to harden it. There lies my baby boy under the same spot as my baby girl. I felt the lost. And each time I glanced at the hamster or the cage, I kept remember my baby. And I know my brother will feel the greatest loss as he's the one who always care for him while I care my baby girl the most. Not that I do not care for my baby boy, I do too. May he rest in peace and forgive my family as well as my sins if we did something bad to him.


This picture taken before a few days our LCD arrive, which was on 28/11/05 at 6.12pm. Well, he was sick that day. Do not know what exactly happen to him. But it looked like something stuck in his throat. The first time he was sick when it was on 03/11/05, which was on Hari Raya Aidilfitri.

This picture was secretly taken on 24/12/2005 at 1.22pm. Isn't he cute sleeping like that?

And this is him together with his hamster toy. Thou the closest with him was "cat-cat" keychain followed by the hamster. But no matter what, he will "feed both of them".

I still remember the time that I had with him which was to bath him as well as bringing him out to the corridor for fresh air, to let him see what it's like from the 4th storey, to let him nibble on my mom's plant, fed him with Jasmine flower or yellow beansprout or vegetables as well as fruits, play with him and kissing his furry feather on his back and wings and holding him on my hand as well as him on my shoulder. I just don't wish to go home when I know he's not there to wait for anyone who reached home, or to remind us to close the gate in case we forgot and every other things. And i definitely can't hold my tears back thinking of him. Gosh, I miss him.

First, I wana say "Yahoo!!!" Hady won!! Well, not saying that Jonathan deserve to lose. But if you look at it carefully, Jonathan have potential to make it big in the music industry. Plus, he's a Chinese. Chinese music market is much more bigger than Malay music market. Plus, Hady is unemployed now, so why not give it to Hady who can sing in any genre? Congrats to Hady for being the 2nd Season of Singapore Idol.

Next, I received a bar of Cadbury Chocolate from my client. Why? 'Cause I was assisting in the e-learning for Primary 5, whereby they are supposed to do assignments online at the portal. So I had to be there to ensure everything was ok and to attend any enquiries. My feet really hurts me as I had to be on my feet most of the time. And the thing which is unfair is that I had to assist them from 7.30am till 1.15pm, while the teacher (who is in the same lab with me) could be out of the lab by 12.15pm. And during the break times, I couldn't eat. Instead, they compensate us by giving us a bar of chocolate each. Only for those who are fasting. And I chose Black Forest since I don't really fancy Nuts.

Next, about my cute lil birdy baby. See this? His left leg could not put down properly as his right leg. Pity my baby. He's soo cute and awful thing happen to his leg. We just hope he's not going to turn into cripple. It really break our hearts when he had to drag his leg wherever he goes. Especially when he's in a rush.

Here, he's resting his chin . Cute right? Nowadays, he's always in this position especially when he's on the ladder. And he gets tired easily. Maybe his age is catching up with him. ' Cause we always see him resting after he ate or fly around or even playing.

See the cute furry cheek sticking out? Hehe..He really makes me melt. Well, yesterday he was really naughty. Why? He flew in front of my face and landed on my hand and nibbled on my potato chips, which happened to be in my hand. And he's not supposed to eat too!!


Next, here's my bebeh. Only have mine with Diah. I don't have Shasha's. Met with her a few weeks ago. We took some pictures (apparently I took a couple of shots only since I don't really fancy cam whoreing in the public) while waiting for Shasha to arrive at Plaza Singapura (PS).Well, I really look tired that day. Make up gone. As well as energy. But meeting up my bebehs, just ain't tiring. Especially when I rarely get to see them at one shot.Oh, and here are my two lovely bebehs, Diah & Shasha. Pretty right? Especially that girl's dimple. Hehe

Ok, it's now down to Jonathan & Hady Mirza. Yesterday was the showdown at the National Indoor Stadium at 8pm. Jonathan's fans wore white while Hady's fans wore blue.

And of course I'm voting for Hady. Like duh, Hady sang better then that Jonathan. For those Jonathan fans, please la. You all should know that Jonathan can only sing one genre while Hady can sing a variety of genre. So, do not be soo stupid to vote for Jonathan. All the songs that Jonathan sang, always sounds like rock genre. It's soo damn boring leh.


Oh, and also please DO NOT say that Jonathan is "handsome". He doesn't even have the looks. And everyone can see that Hady is much more BETTER looking than Jonathan lor.

As for the single song, I prefer Hady's version compare to Jonathan. If you listened carefully, Jonathan's first part of the song, 1st you can't hear him & 2nd, it's out of tune. It's definitely clear and those who really pay attention to the way they sing will know who is better.

For those who have not yet vote, please call in and please VOTE for Hady!!

Oh, and please do not compare both of them to the first season's final two contestant. They are way much better then the first season.

Well, just some random stuff I'm gonna blog here. Some of the images here were in my working desktop and I'm supposed to do some safe keeping as I'm getting a new desktop to work with. Yahoo!

As for love life, well I can't comment that much 'cause I'm still having some question marks. Will it last? I do not know. But hopefully, everything goes well. Unless I'm the devil one who make it impossible.

Cute right the picture whereby two penguins walk together as thou they are holding hands together. Sometimes I find that it might be good if we are animals. Why? Because, I personally think that they do not need to stress on a lot of things. Well, there are times that they are stressed about but most of the things like they do not need to worry how to get money, buy house, etc. I really find it cool. At least those burden which involves money is not there and also, there will be no dispute over financial.
Oh, and being a baby only will make people go ga-ga over you. No matter what, most people will definitely love a baby. 'Cause they are not only cute, they do not do something that is beyond your expectation. But, items spend on baby can be costly too.

But no matter what, we should always appreaciate who we are. I know I'm typing a bit crap here. Life goes on, no matter what are the obstacles that each person face, one should go through with it whether you like it or not. And never compare your fate / destiny with others. Well, if i get this wrong, please correct me.

Came across this when I checked my email. If you dare to place this on your work desktop, I will really salute you. Well, I thought it will be nice to share.

I have a colleague from hi5 company (if i'm not mistaken, that's the name of the company) who is a musician. Well, can say I have a crush on him (I know some of you will say "Not again!" hehe). A bit of description of him since I do not have his photo.

He's a Chinese, has a dog if I'm not mistaken and not bad looking kind of guy who's name is Danny. Sometimes when he saw me in my room (since his colleague, Henry teaches IT music while he assist Henry), he will sing some songs for me.

There's once he told me that he and Henry talked how do I look like if I do not wear my scarf/ tudung. They never seen me not wearing once before. Danny even asked me which I denied that I look pleasant. For me, it's still me. How I look like, depends on each person's own point of view.

Then, last week Danny saw my pic on msn when he was sitting beside me. And today, he requested to see my other pictures. So I showed him this blog and my photos in multiply site. He commented that he wanted me to delete my photo where I wore tudung and pictures that I took sideways or even those with spectacles. He finds that I looked photogenic (which I don't think so) and i could become a model (me? a model? nahh, wouldn't work).

Then, he told me to let go my hair when I'm at work. When he told me that, my eyebrow raised and told him it's impossible. Then, he told me that he liked it if I wear make-up and enhance my eyes since he commented that my eyes are my best features (is that true?). Gave me some make-up hints and then he told me that he wanted to give me a make-over FOC.

This parts kinds of err, how to describe it. I do not know whether to take up the challenge or not. It will be pretty nice to take up such challenge. But to keep the image after make-over is pretty tough you know. So, you see..I'm pretty lost right now.

See his picture? Cute right? Here's my cute lil baby. He's been sick since yesterday (most probably the night of Saturday. I don't know 'cause I didn't check on him). Yesterday morning, when my brother was about to leave for work, he asked me to change my baby's "diaper" which I told him, as usual I would do it.

But then, when my brother checked on him again before he was about to leave the gate, he noticed my baby was slouching in front a lil. And he noticed that he held his leg up as thou he was about to sleep. But the way my baby did it was as though he was in pain.

I was eating crab at that point of time while chatting away with my mom. Told him I would apply some ointment to soothen the pain. It hurts me when he did that. Especially when he tried to have some rest, he would hold his left leg up and tried to sleep which he can't.

At one point of time, he slept as thou he's like a chicken (you know how chicken sits right? except he rest his chin on the ladder and his fluffy cheeks rested on it with his eyes closed. I was really paranoid. I did not know what to do.

First, my sister caught him as I told her to place some ointment since I was having my brunching. Then about 3+pm, my dad put some ointment on his leg (we noticed that he had some visible red lines which I presumed must be the cause of his pain) while I was resting as I had stomach cramp.

The most heart ache moment was when I saw he nearly fell down when he was about to turn around within the branch which was in his cage or when he wanted to turn around when he was on the ladder to have his food. Since he could not move that much, my dad placed a wide round container for my baby's food so that he need not stand on the container to eat like he always do. He had to use his beak to move around, which really..oh goshh..I really can't describe it. I just do not want to lose him like I lost my other baby girl to tumour. I can't bear to let him go as he have been with the family for 6 to 7 years.

Hopefully B can still get through with his degree. Or i'll be the one who's getting all the stress. Especially with my work, work & more work.

Well, actually I wanted to confess here that yesterday I cried. Why? Someone that I liked was on my msn and we chatted. I confessed my feelings to him since I know that it's impossible for us to be together and he too in relationship, thou he's in a rocky type. But, I do not know. Just broke down at home. Probably thinking why must I tell him about my past feelings towards him. Well, silly me..Didn't think of what will happen later. Maybe I just wanted to get it off my chest.

And you see...it's sort of easily for me to like someone..I do not know why..Probably just to see whether I'm strong or not. Well, I'm not sure. But whatever happens in the future, I hope for the best.

What do you expect when going on a date with a guy? Probably somewhere that have a decent seat right? That was what I expected.

Well, I do not call it dating with a guy. Because yesterday I just went to meet this guy since he wanted to meet me. Still unsure why he wanted to meet me thou yet I felt it a waste of time. Why?

Well, yesterday I was wearing this pink top with a white lace at the bottom of my top and a black skirt. So from Raffles (since I had to go back to my main office to hand in my report which should be handed in around 3 days ago) I went to Seng Kang since he wanted to meet me in Seng Kang. Ok, I'm perfectly ok with it. And I apologise through sms that I would be late. So instead of 730pm, I arrived at 745pm. But he arrived at 805pm.

Since I was fasting that day and I had my sweet, he asked me to buy a drink for myself at 7eleven. Then, he asked me where I wanted to seat? (We were standing outside the open air near 7 eleven at Compass Point. He went on saying "Usually when I meet up with my friends, we will seat at the staircase (which is near the interchange) or the railiings. " My eyes became wide and said "Hello! You want me to seat at either place? I'm wearing a skirt you know!"

I was pissed off at first. Did told him at first to sit at Burger King but he wanted to smoke, so Burger King was not counted. I thought I could just have a small bite or something, but nope. Then he suggested library which I told him I rather go home then sit in the library. End up he said "Then, let's go window shopping"

So you see, it's just that I felt I'm wasting my time and money to meet him yesterday. First he can't think of where to seat. Next, he do not know what to talk about with me. Haiz..I just hate it. I just do not understand why these people who ask me out, but end up I have to make decision myself.

When I woke up from a short nap in the morning, I mean I was on the bus, I realised I received an sms. I thought my B sms me since I replied him in the wee morning. But all I saw was the same lady's sms which you can referred to my September 11 entry.

She: To Ros, ku mengalahlah. Sorry if I've hurt you the previous sms. Sebagai manusia biasa, me mmg sensitive. Kawan rapat boleh beri comment, tapi beralaslah. We got perasaan. The word minah didn't refer to anyone. It's general. I'm just not in a gd mood that morning when you gave me the feedback. Baru bangun tidur. Pls. If kurang senang, jgn memaluku di khalayak awa. Ku dahpun kena kritikan dgn org yg tidak kukenali, namun i take that sebagai cubaan Sekali lagi, jgn buatku sesali lagi dan ku tidak berniat utk melukakan hati org. Mmg me tak perfect tapi me masih ada harga diri. Maaflah sekali lagi. Mengalah tidak jadi masalah. harap u paham n thnks 4 being my fren. (To Ros, i admit. Sorry if I've hurt you the previous sms. As a normal human being, yes I'm sensitive. Close friends can give comment but beware of ur words. We have feelings. I'm just not in a gd mood that morning when you gave me the feedback. I just woke up from sleep. Pls, if you're not satisfied, do not make me lose face in the public. I have already been critised by a stranger but I took this as a lesson learnt. Once again, do not disappoint me and I do not mean to hurt someone's heart. Yes I'm not perfect but I still have my reputation. Sorry once again. Admitting to it would not be a problem. Hope you understand and thanks for being my friend.)

She: Ros, I'm really disappointed in u. Why u share my personal stuffs wif ur other pals. Correct me if im wrong, coz thats what my gut feelings r telling me nw. Reali disappointed in u. thks 4 making everyone realise that im not perfect either. alhamdulliah 4 giving me the cubaan. (Ros, I'm really disappointed in you. Why do you share my personal stuffs with your other pals. Correct me if I'm wrong, 'cause thats what my gut feelings are tellign me now. Really disappointed in you. Thanks for making everyone realise that I'm not perfect either. Thanks for letting me go through this.)

Me: Sapa nk g hebohkan?Tak kuasa. In sum ways, every1 arent perfect. Dat every1 noes. I too have lots of flawless. (Who's going to spread it? I can't be bothered. In some ways, everyone aren't perfect. That, everyone knows. I too have lots of flawless.)

She: K la, taknak mengaku takpa. Biar Allah saja yg tahu. jagalah diri baik². i pun taknak ada apa² pun with u. harap u terima my apology. dosa dgn tuhan boleh diampunkan, dosa dgn manusia, terpulangla. (It's ok if you do not want to admit. Let Allah know. Take good care of yourself. I too do not want to do anything with you anymore. Hope you accept my apology. Sins towards Allah can be forgiven but sins towards other human beings, depends.

Me: Nk mengaku apanya? What did I do till i have to admit im at fault? Pls la dun over react.As if I myself isnt a sensitive person and I know how one will feel. (What do I have to admit for? What did I do to admit that I'm at fault? Please do not over-react. As if I'm not a sensitive person and I know how it feels like.)

That was the last smses which we're going to exchange. The ones in brackets are the english subtitles but I'm not sure if i get them correct. Well, you see I wrote a different entry in my frenster blog and this blog since I do not want her to know that I posted out conversation here. First thing, her problem is very comman. Second, she should trust me if she really was my friend. Third, I just do not understand why she say I'm tarnishing her reputation. I was like "What??"

She started to tell me off then wrote a blog on me for using harsh words in my feedback but all in Malay Language. But she was critised by one of my bebeh using another account, which she can't even accept it and end up she delete that entry. I was asked to admit for whatever I had done. I did not tell where she work nor what position the guy holds or something and this was what I get. I was forced to apologise to her which I will not do it. And lastly I did not mentioned I do not want to be her friend at all. But I already had a feeling since Monday that she wanted me to be erased off from her life which I'm perfectly fine with it.

Why? Because I do not need such person who interprets negetively my words and then putting all the blame on me when I do not even start a spark at all. Oh, and neither will I forgive her since she blames me for things which I had not done. I do not mind losing her as she's not the only friend that I have in this world. So, chapter with Haryati Binte Selamat had been officially closed.

I have this feeling, which I just do not know what is it since my mind went blank. All I'm thinking of is that after this I'm going back to the office, hand in my report and most probably meet up that mat CD (if he reply me). If not I'll be heading back home. Well, who is this mat CD? Well, just a friend who bubbles me twice at the very last minute.

Sometimes feel as thou my head grows bigger. Especially when I'm thinking of complicated stuff or even about work which is approaching its deadline for example. And then complicated stuff like what's going to happen to me in the future? Will I manage to pull through and end the 2 years contract without any problem or is there still obstructions along the way?

As for now, the obstruction is that I've to pass my Microsoft Office Specialist - Microsoft Access 2003 and to pay $120++ myself since I failed the first exam. Kind of stupid that I took the exam without any materials to learn on, especially hands on practical except for the book which they gave us during the course. which ended around beginning of July.

And I really...extremely hate it when it's happening to me. Especially when I'm the kind of person who can't take pressure. Or I'll go quiet and keep it to myself until the whole thing ends. Bad huh? But, that's me. Thou I know sometimes we can share with friends or family to ease off the burden of thinking, but still in the end, I'm the one who is facing it. But honestly, I really wana thank my family and friends for helping me by being there for me, giving me advice as well as support. Sounds like I'm receiving some emmy awards. Hehe..

Well, I guess I better go now since it's about 5.42pm. And I wish that I do not need to stay to talk to my management people. 'Cause they made my life miserable since the first day I started working there.

2 nights ago, dreamt something weird. Told Fairus, my colleague over the phone and Shasha yesterday and both of them laughed their heads off.

Well, you see if I'm schooling for example, I will always dream that I'm somewhere in the school. Same thing happens if I'm working, I will always dream about my workplace, especially at my client's company.

That night, I dreamt about my primary school friends as well as poly friends. And someone asked me (I forgot whether the person is my mom or one of my aunt) whether I wanted to get engaged with someone of their choice. To my surprise, I agreed. And that moment, my heart asked me "What about B?" And suddenly I dreamt that I was in my client's company wearing a wedding dress with a veil attached on my hair. Something like the picture below. I did wondered why. Because I remember saying yes to an engagement but not a wedding. Hmm..

I took the lift down and took a bus to the ROMM. Imagine wearing a wedding dress and board a bus there! And also, when I was about to alight from the bus, I did helped this old lady to alight. And I could still recalled that we alighted in front of a hawker centre. And suddenly I'm at the ROMM and saw my aunts as well as my cousins.

One of my aunts commented that the bouquet of roses was not done properly. Then, suddenly for all I know, the engagement was successful. And when I turned around, all my aunts except the one who did the roses and my cousins were all gone. When I asked her, she told me "They are always like that." It puzzles me. And I read a document which was given to me by duno who. To my astonishment, it stated that I received 60% BodyShop, Bossini Shop (Whatever the spelling is) and other stuff which weren't clear. When asked about it, I was told all those were part of my "dowry" gifts.

Next moment, I was at home and just lay down, someone called me through my handphone. The number was unfamiliar. But when I picked up, the voice was soo familiar. First thing the other person on the line said was "Hi sayang. Tengah buat apa? (Hi love. What are you doing?)" Then I told him I was about to lay down and asked him who is he.

He told me he's my fiancee. Then he asked me whether I received his sms before. His number was 911+++. In the dream, I remember seeing that particular number. I apologised to him and told him I do not reply message when I do not recognise the number.

I was like "Oh. Ok. Umm, tinggal mana? (Where do you live?)" He told me he lived in Malaysia. And there I was starting to imagine that he might look like Datuk K. Muahaha.. Tak boleh dibayangkan! Haha. I mean, me with a moustache man? Lol. Not that I'm critising Datuk K. But it came across my mind when I was dreaming.

But who is my "fiancee" and what does he looked like? Well, I do not know because firstly, in my dream, I never know nor see my "fiancee" before. Next, only after the image of Datuk K (picture above) appeared, I woke up and looked at the clock and it was about 6am. So, you see. I really wanted to know who is the my kind hearted fiancee who gave me expensive stuffs and I kept wondering who.