Finished tidying my wadrobe. Yey! Somehow, I felt that I should revamp the clothes that I have now. I think I will revamp slowly, after Hari Raya. Weather today was totally hot and warm. Even before I was online, I was perspiring. Gee, wished I could just stay in the water. Hehe..
There will be a huge change in my life. Seriously. I will be completely a different person, compare to who I am today. Perhaps my life will be better, perhaps will be much more havoc compare to now. Perhaps I wouldn't be having the friends I have today. This is the topic which I've decided to blog on as the idea kicks in after I was done ironing my clothes for tomorrow.

If I were given a chance, seriously I'm a person who wouldn't be wearing the tudung. Like my conversation with Shasha, way back before the fasting month kicks in, I would perhaps be wearing lots of baring clothes from halter necks, to spagetti tops to tubes to short skirts and so on when I'm out of the house, whether to work or just to go out with anyone.

And, perhaps too I might be those more of a rebellious person (I'm still am a rebellious person in some ways..Lol) , getting a tattoo and perhaps having my hair coloured! Who knows? Each and everyone of us have a different side. We have the dark as well as the bright side. And it all depends on each individual person to which path they wanted to lead. Perhaps, I would even step into the clubbing, alcoholic as well as smoking world.

People might not agree with what I typed. But, this is my own thinking, my own assumption about myself. So, there's no way for others to comment that I shouldn't be thinking this way.

I've been fighting with myself all this while, ever since I'm in secondary school. Should I be a good person or should I be a bad person? It all started after the group of malay classmates started to shun me as thou I'm some jinx person. At that very point of time, I admitted that I wanted to be part of a gangster (I was on the verge of finding for one gangster group) to have my revenge on them.

But before they started to shun me, they nearly made me have a taste of smoking in the girls' toilet (and at that time, we were actually waiting for a particular teacher to pop in the class for the following lesson). I wanted to, as at that very point of time, I find that it's totally cool to have something in between the fingers.

But, one of them made me really think (it's like one tight slap on my face). She pleaded with me "Don't tell my mom that I'm smoking." I nearly accepted the cigarrette. Images of Mama appeared in my mind. They called me coward. Yea, of course I'm a coward at smoking. Even now, sometimes I have the urge to try to lit one, if I'm with someone who is a smoker.

Reflecting on my past, I was extremely shocked with the way I spoke. It's sort of too Ah Lian's. No wonder some people could not accept the way I speak. Blamed myself for getting into a school filled with gangsters. Blamed myself for not doing well for my PSLE. I truly regret for not studying well in the first place.

But, somehow, I do not regret the entire of my past. Thou the school I went to, was always been well known with the nearby police station, somehow I like the environment there, the helpful teachers and those who really I can call friends. At least I do know that they are different types of humans in the world. That's how I learnt the meaning of hypocrite, backstabbers and so on.

And for nearly a year during my secondary school life, I became bad. Trying to behave like one bitch, imitate the way they laughed, just to ensure that they accepted me in their cliques. And during that period of 4 years, I learnt how to bottle up most of my feelings.

But, even if I were given a chance, I wouldn't be able to meet people like Shasha, Jei and others. Not even imp. (But I would be much more happier if I didn't meet Vans in the very first place. I would totally be glad if it didn't happened in the first place.) But, if the chance given to me now was to improve my life for the better in the future, I would jolly well take it up (I'm trying to have a better future now). And guessed what? I'm beginning to miss imp extremely to the maximum.

I have never find tidying the house an easy task. It's much more harder when there are people who can't cooperate with you, want you to do according to what they want. But, they didn't think of the end result and not even lifting a finger just to help. Instead they will just blame you if it goes wrong. Fark la. I hate this type of people.

I was helping Mama to vacuum the living room and tidy the living room, kitchen as well as the corridor as the new freezer arrived at 1130am. It was tiring as I had to shift heavy furnitures myself. I can't possibly ask Mama since she's not that strong. Rather than let her suffer the pain of backaches and so on, might as well I do it on my own.

About 12pm had conversation with someone. It was frustrating. Urgh. And I hate it very much. Plus, this time I'm not going to talk to that someone again. It's really frustrating when you can't get it inside that person's head. And all that person did was to turn the tables around. I'm hurt ok. Plus pissed off. Shall not disclose whats all these about.

Tidy the bedroom. Tried to follow according to what she wants. Good thing she wasn't at home. And I really find it's much more messier if I were to arrange according to her plan. By 620pm I was dead tired. I still haven't tidy my cupboard yet. Seriously, if anyone were to enter the bedroom now, people might just faint. And I told Mama "Bilik macam rumah pelarian."

It's extremely messy. And I hate at the sight of it everyday ok. Tomorrow I will make sure I'll settle my stuffs first. Urgh. My whole body is aching badly. My legs (especially the left leg), my back..

It will still be a busy day for me tomorrow. Gosh, I'm really dead tired. Wonder how I'm going to cope tomorrow. At the moment, I felt like wanting a massage.

And, I'm still missing imp badly. But nowadays Zul without fail will call me at 11+pm. *sigh*

Tired, bored, restless and those that relates to it. I'm not too sure why I'm feeling this way. But, seriously I know the feeling is kind of sucks.

Tomorrow's going to be a hectic day for me, eventhough I'm not working. Lots of energy needed for tomorrow. Had to shift some of the furnitures to make way for the new freezer which my parents bought since the old freezer was down pretty bad. And hopefully there's time to rearrange my bedroom. But seriously, I find that it's pretty short and impossible to finish cleaning up everything by tomorrow.

14 more days to Hari Raya. Gosh, time really flies. And I really do not feel like celebrating this year. Can I just skip and stay at home? Did told mama that I felt like staying at home and not wanting to go out at all.

Things to do before Hari Raya arrives :
1) Apply leave for 15th Oct & time off on eve of Hari Raya(if my cheapskate company didn't give me half day, eventhough my HOD asked me to leave at 11am on the eve of Hari Raya)
2) Tidy up whole house
3) Making cakes / swiss rolls / biscuits?
4) Buying scarfs
5) Making sure my face is acne-free

For Hari Raya, I think I'm too lazy to buy handbag. Will just use the handbag which I have. Don't ask me to buy new one, unless I'm able to bring that bag to work also. As for the shoes, I have another pair of shoes. It's silver in colour. Mama call it the "Saloma Shoes". Haha.

As usual, I'm not going to give lots of green packets. I'm only giving
1) Cik Ros's children - that materialistic's siblings (3 of them)
2) Kuzin Farhana (if I meet her)
3) Atok & Nek Uda
4) Syafiqah & Syafiq
5) 10 nieces & 1 nephew
6) my adeq
7) kak noi's & kak mona's baby daughters

Not going to give to the rest on abah's side thou I have 3 more nieces and 1 nephew, 2 cousins which by right they are supposed to get. It's not because I'm stingy. These 2 cousins are already in secondary 4 if im not mistaken. As for the nieces beside my abah, I don't like that girl as she broke my home's coffee table and the parents as well as her older siblings didn't keep an eye on her. Still having that grudge on them ok.

Plus, almost all of them look down on my abah. Just because abah's working under the hot sun and working as a technician, doesn't mean we can't afford most of our living. And please la. Don't laugh at abah's english. At least he nearly get the correct pronouciation, unlike you all who can't even pronouce. But at least abah didn't speak broken english that much ok. So, sebelum ketawakan orang atau point out people's mistake, cermain diri sendiri dulu. Just don't let me hear you're laughing at abah, or I'm going to lash you in front of Atok (eventhough Atok is not in good health nowadays because of old age).

We're not old. There's always a child in every human being. So, be childish ok? Tee Hee.. In school, kids were having Sports Carnival. It's time for them to be healthy and they have to visit each stations. The House that have the most number of kids completed the stations, wins.

I was told 5 minutes before they stopped the whole thing to snap pictures of the kids and teachers in action. Stupid right? Only managed to capture a few.

Anyway, I don't really feel like working today. So, can I don't do any work? Please? Tee Hee.

Ok, I just have to put this up. Ever since the start of the fasting month, I'm always at home. What I'm trying to say is I never break fast with my friends. Most of them are busy or they wanted to fast at home throughout the whole of the fasting month. So, I will just keep my mouth shut and I wouldn't ask anymore (& in the future). Hmm, perhaps I should ask Hafiza.


Anyway, I'm feeling extremely sad as today is my close colleague's last day in school. Going to miss my partner, my gossiper, my adviser, my listening buddy. Hope you will find a good job with better pay, Paul. And hopefully, the employer will not be like that Chikopek person.

He's always there for me. Each time, during the school holiday, he will always remember that I'm in school and will always call me to join him and the rest for lunch. Gosh, without him in school, who am I going to have lunch with? Make sure we're going to meet up pretty soon for a meal ok?

Anyway, I tried to login from home yesterday but to no avail. I spent like 40 minutes trying to login and I found myself head banging to sleep, just like when I was in school in the afternoon. Gosh, the sleepiness is soo unbearable. Received 1 lollipop from Mr. Henry (is that his name? I forgot..think he's the counsellor or something) as my Children's Day gift. Thanks soo much.

To Shasha, be strong girl. Whoever is behind the evil, will eventually falls. He / She will suffer much more worse than what you're going through. I'll pray for your well being.

To imp, I'm missing you badly..

Firstly, I'm still feeling farked up. Slept early yesterday. And this Zul called me at 3am! (I'm supposed to wake up at 4.30am) Grr.. I will always set my phone to vibration at night, so that it will not disturbed the whole house, yet he called and disturbed me! Kept asking when am I going to meet him.

You know what, Zul? I have enough of you. I ain't going to meet you. I just can't stand people keep on pestering me when to meet up. You can't simply ask me to meet you and straight away be your gal just because you like me and your family can't wait to meet me. If I were to agree, don't tell me you're asking my hand for marriage? Get this straight. I'm not in love with you. Urgh! Goodbye Zul. Time for me to avoid your calls and smses.

Secondly, it rained again today. Ok, that's alright. But what I'm farked up with is with the bus driver. Damn that woman bus driver. She made me reached work pretty late for nearly 30 minutes. She supposed to reach my bus stop at 7.15am and reached Ang Mo Kio by 7.35am. Felt like tugging her hair.

She drove the bus to my bus stop at 7.25am (and I was at the bus stop by 7.05am and pathetically I've to wait like 20 minutes when the bus should arrive in 10 minutes). Not only that, the bus was moving at an extremely slow pace. And she delayed it when a passenger forgot to tap her card.

When I was reaching the usual bus stop to alight, the bus which came after mine overtook the bus I'm in. It really irritates me ok. Urgh! And my shoes are wet =(

Thirdly, I'm getting fed up with the tight deadlines here. I need my company to send me an assistant fast!

Lastly, I need opinions from the rest. Should I change the skin of my blog? To something that is dark? Let me show you the preview of the skin :

I can't decide (since too many things in my head right now), so I need help in this area. Should I just forgo the black, pink and white background to the above? Polling in my tagboard please.

At the moment, I need to get rid of the farked up emotions. Urgh!

As a result, tears started to fall when Dambaan Cinta is being played (x_x) .

To Shasha, get well soon.

Busy day again. Gave P2.3 DatDat marshmallows (cute right the wrapper? that's why I bought it..hehe) and they were extremely happy. Thou it's kinda small, but I just want to show them that I still remember them. Gave my class kids at the end of the lesson since they were too noisy.

Helped with the Baseline ICT again but with another class. Ok, the teacher was pretty impatience. And the kids are damn noisy and loud. Gosh, I did banged my palm on the table just because this boy is extremely noisy and I stared at him. Gee, as a result, my whole palm was reddish.

And now, more or less I'm helping another teacher with the podcasting / profcasting. Told him I'm tired at teaching but at least, he helped me to supervise the kids the things that need to be done for the profcasting (as they are now preparing the PowerPoint slides).

He called again about 930am. Wee~ I'm extremely happy banget! But, I did have a small feeling that we're not meeting today. He told me he had to be at work by 9pm. Actually, I wanted to see him, but he told me it's too rushy. Even 1 hour is not enough. He would rather I spend the whole day with him or at least 4 hours. Hmm, ok la dear. We meet when both of us really have time.

He made me blush and love him more. Gosh. He confessed he tried to forget me because I'm too good for him. (Am I?) It does hurt my feelings when he said that. He then told me "Da syg. Takmo sedih. I know you tengah datang bulan and it's a very emotional time ok. "

I sayang you and I taknak you leave me. Promise me?

I wanted to promise him straight away but I made him promise me first. I know you don't want to feel hurt in the end, neither do I.

And really, talking to him for about 30 minutes, we can cover quite a lot of topics. There's soo much things to converse about when I'm with him, compare to other guys.

You rindu I hug and kiss you?

Dearr, mesti lah! I rindu extremely banget sama kamu! Not only that ok. Everything of you.

We'll wait for the right moment to meet each other. Fix another date ok dear and I follow you to go shopping. And guess what? I'm extremely excited. Why? Because we're going to end the slightly more then 2 months of not meeting you! Yey!!

To sum up my weekends, I did have a bad dream whereby all my teeth fell out at once after 4 teeth fell out. Scary uh. Told my mom about it. And I'm extremely scared. *sigh*. As for yesterday, nothing much. But I broke my right slipper while I was crossing the traffic junction with my parents *sob sob*

Quite busy today. Helped one teacher which I promised her last week to teach on profcasting and another teacher on Baseline ICT. Continue to print certificates. Updating websites. Speaking of this, I'm quite pissed off with my supervisor. He complained to my boss that I only update a fair bit of the website. I know I didn't update much.

Look, he's the one who wanted me to focus more to the US side. Besides updating the website, I'm also doing profcasting too. And it's taking my damn time. And this particular parent complained to the school saying that the Calendar of Events is not updated. EXCUSE ME! I've already uploaded the Parents / Guardians letter in the Annoucement page. Why can't she take a look at it??

And all this is because of Hari Raya! Bullshit la! Of course there's exams after Hari Raya. Urgh! I'm extremely pissed off about this.

He called me! Yey! I'm soo loving it! It was pretty weird that he called me at 10.30am. I thought he just woke up or something. But, he told me

I nak dengar your manja voice before I sleep

Awww, you make me blush dearie *muackz* He's the reason why I'm talking that way (^_^) Told him I saw his friendster. He was pissed off with himself for putting that photo and that I knew where he worked. I'm sorry dear, it's ok if you don't want me to look at your friendster anymore.

And he said something that made me speechless a little.

Syg, I dye my hair blond tau. Saja² je

I was like "Err, thought you said you tak nak dye lagi?". He's bored with his hair. But I love your hair you know. Hmm..

Anyway, I was really blushing while talking to him. And, I think I love him more after the conversation ended. Really sibok tau my colleague as I had to conduct Profcast course for her students and cut short my conversation with him. I'm still waiting to meet you, dear ~! And I rindu you banget ok. Muackz~

Went for contact session at the company. Didn't expect to sit there for about slightly more than 30 minutes. Oh well, because of the new HR personnel, that's why the session was slightly longer. Shasha called me up and went to meet her at Ang Mo Kio Library.

Luckily I was outside, therefore I could meet her. Initially I wanted to bring this Macintosh lappie out but I'm not sure where to go with the lappie. I mean, me alone in public with this laptop. Must be joking.


Chatted with her for awhile in the library. Showed her certain stuffs. Anyway, thanks babe for telling me about the website. It's super cool ;) After awhile, Ryan came along and pretended to sound us for inappropriate usage of the lappie. Lol. Ok, my left eye is a little better than yesterday. I know I didn't mentioned about my eye. It's kind of swollen. Hmm, the reason why? I'm not sure myself.

Anyway, made my way home and were kinda tired. Slept about 430pm for nearly 2 hours. Mom wasn't that happy as no one to help her in the kitchen. So, ended up cleaning the living room, took the dry clothes in and hang the wash clothes out as well as water the plans (this is to prevent myself from her nag. Lol).

Night time, went to the nearby shop to buy some stuff twice. Once myself and the other time to follow my sister to buy stuffs for her kids. Anyway, think I've decided what to buy for them. Perhaps, DatDat mashmellow will be fine for them.

Hmm, lets see. What else? Helped her to pack the stuffs. And guessed what? My dad brought home lots of food. Gee, who's going to finish up the food? Plus, the goreng pisang, there's still plenty left. And the whole fridge is kinda bloated with food. Alhamdulliah.

Work was alright. I was kinda bored at work actually. Anyway, morning was kinda busy as I had to assist my level head with his audio group for competition since my video group has not yet finalised. About 1030, I had to relief IT club for P5. Helped one senior teacher by showing the kids a website on "An Enormous Turnip". Msn was extremely bored. With nobody to chat with, I started to search for "Heart" Indonesia show. While waiting for the videos to load, did 4 sets of certificates printing. At least I'm doing work instead of skiving.

Imp called. I was extremely glad. At least my boredness and feeling of loneliness was gone. Chatted with him. He wanted me to meet him but I could sense his 50-50. He did told me that he's not sure whether he should meet me just now. I was excited of course. Told me that he would call me after he visited the toilet. I waited for about 40 minutes before I smsed him to ditch the idea if he finds that just now wasn't the right time.

The feeling excited suddenly disappeared before I smsed him. But I told myself, there's always a next time. True enough, he called back and asked me if I'm mad at him. Of course I'm not. Except just disappointed. He sensed sadness in my voice. I told him I was fine and told him I was watching "Heart" (I did. Actually, while waiting for his call, I continue watching, in case my gut feelings were false.)

He did apologised. Something was troubling him of course. It's ok dear. I understand. We'll meet when you're really ready. He misses me and so do I. He called again while I was in the bus. Asking me what I had for buka. Since I'm in the public bus, I told him I had a sweet.

He's concern of course. One part of his smses, sounded like this. "U, if i dpt 2 b wif u kan best." I will love to be with you too sweetheart. Told him my handphone went haywire during our conversations. He said "Ni mesti simpan banyak of my messages kan?" I blushed ok eventhough I denied. He knew! Gosh, it's embarrasing. Hehe. Don't need to ask next time of I keep on blushing. Hehe.

And, of course I'm worried about him as well as misses him. Muackz dear. At least, he brighten up my day with him contacting me (^ _ ^)

Guess what? I've finished watching Love is Cinta in youtube.com. The story is touching + heartbreak + frustrating + funny + a little lame. Haha. A bit confusing but so far, quite alright uh.

I really pity the actor who played "Don" as he always strained himself just to tell "Cinta" that he's "Ryan" and he did get a lot of beating from his "dad" who is Ryan's father. I'm not good in the review part, should just go and watch.

And you know what? Tears did rolled down while I watched the show. Somehow, I felt that I need someone beside me. To comfort me.

And, I'm still waiting for imp to call. I miss him.

Busy in the morning. Chasing here and there. *sigh* Lots of things to settle. But, after my lesson I was feeling damn bored. Not much stuff to do actually as I was waiting for the last 5 episodes to finish buffering. And gosh, it takes so much time. *sigh*

But in the afternoon, at least I managed to save some work in Lab 3. I've forgotten to save another level's work. So, have to do it by tomorrow since on Monday, that particular lab is going to have new Intel computers. Woohoo! Why can't they give me the intel computer instead of this AMD computer?

Oh, btw I forgot to mention something. My handphone is ok now! Wee~! Muackz² my phone. My fault for not deleting lots of stuff and as a result, it hangs the whole screen. I'm sooo happy!

My beloved phone went haywire yesterday. *sob sob* The screen kept blinking. At times, it will be in faint colour. I can still receive messages and phonecalls. But, the thing is that, I can't see clearly. *sigh*

Stubborn me for not buying a new phone the other time. *sigh* It's ok. I just love this phone. People did asked me why I didn't change. The thing is that, this phone went through a lot in my life. The ups and downs. It witnessed every single thing that is happening in my life. I just can't bear to trade it in or even to be part from it.

For now, will be using my mom's old phone. *sigh* What I don't really like is that the phone's battery isn't that good. I wouldn't buy a new phone at the moment. So, guess I've to stuck with this old battery of my mom's old phone *groans*

Anyway, moments before my phone went haywire, about 30mins to 1 hour before that happened, I was messaging imp. He called me while I was waiting for the bus at AMK interchange. Initially, he wanted to meet me yesterday. But, since I was at AMK, he wouldn't let me travel to the west to see him.

And he said "If only I woke up about 30 minutes early and call you, I'll get to see you. I miss you." Aww, sinking mode is ON! Hehe..Talked for about 20 minutes and I dozed awhile in the bus. While I was resting after buka at home, messaged him to tell him to inform me if he wants to meet me next time.

Rest of the smses are really private. =D hehe..Still can remember he was saying something like this "You, I really feel senang bebual with you. You're just different." Well, I do miss you very much uh. Been nearly 2 months since we last meet. And I'm counting the days till he's ready to meet me again. *muackz*


Ok, work has been tremendously increasing as each day passes by. But, I just have to blog now. Anyway, can't bring home the HP tablets anymore (~_~) I'm not taking care of the tablets anymore =( The only thing that I can bring home is the MacBook and the connection is damn poor compare to Windows =(

The title of the music video is Ada Cinta by Irwansyah & Acha.

There's some mix up when I got to know that there were 2 trainers for the other class. And it happened that the other trainer didn't know he's supposed to be in the other school and not my school. Oh well.

Phew, lucky me as I need not help Amir with his group of students just now as he had some urgent matters to attend in KL. Sorry for your lost, Mr. Amir. Anyway, the 5 kids sometimes did test my patience. Grr. Cute, of course. Naughty, definitely!

As a result, we still need more time for the profcasting *sigh*

Laptop had been returned today. Will bring home when the time is right. All this is due when my TA told me yesterday that he wanted to check the .Mac address of all the laptop. *sigh* As a result, I had to return it.

And guessed what? Finally I had my certificates being sent to me. Wee~

I miss him....The songs remind me of him (~_~)

Oh...and gee, my cravings for all types of food are increasing tremendously. Know what? I ate goreng pisang yesterday after I craved for it for quite sometime. And dad brought it home after his Holy Quran recite class. Thanks dad ~ muackz ~

Why must they always make my life miserable. Especially this week. My whole afternoon are packed from today till Thursday. I'm extremely tired. Can't they understand that? I'm not a superwoman who can finish everything by Thursday.

And what? I still have to finish up my portion by this Thursday also. Why can't all the teachers do it yourself? Grrr..I'm so tired and fcuked up.

Furthermore, last Friday, they can still dare to inform me at the very last minute about the musical. And cover up 2 sessions in the afternoon and evening. Had to be there by 2pm at Republic Poly and I only get to know by about 12pm. Break fast at poly itself. Had nasi bryani and bandung water. By the time I reached home, I was dead tired.

And I didn't even have time to sit down to relax my feet as most of the time, from 2pm till about 830pm, i was on my feet most of the time, just to film the backstage as well as the audiences' reaction. Damn la.

I demand extra pay as well as time off. *sigh* Hate it. And the worse thing, I can't sleep early since the start of fasting. Always going to bed about 1am. Damn la.

*sigh*

Caught 1408 yesterday with Lia. It was superb. Thrilling, horror and so on. I was screaming at certain scenes. And I think, I scream the loudest among all, eventhou I did cover my mouth. Honestly, I'm noisy when I'm watching that kind of show. I'll give 10 popcorns out of 5 since I'm a fan of Stephen King's.

He called me. The moment I heard his voice, I started to smile widely. I'm loving it. Talked with him for a while. But he had to follow his friend to Bugis since his best friend wants him to give support (sort of good luck in interview).

I asked him if it's possible to meet up later. He said "We'll see later ok? But, no promises." I'm alright with that. But I finished watching the show at 9pm at P.S (and he doesn't really like the people there) and he had to meet his friend near his place to settle some stuff.

I was disappointed of course. He noted my disappointment in voice as it's been slightly a month since we last met. We chatted today. He wasn't feeling well. Even if he have to be at work with different timing for alternate nights, still he fell sick.

And dear, polyclinic closes the registration at 4.15pm. *hugs* Hope you'll take care at work. I'm worried ok. To imp, here's what I want you to know. Chorus part from Atas Nama Cinta, Singer Rossa:

Guess what? Went to gym yesterday. But a quick one. Reached there about 6.40pm and I finished everything by about 7.30pm. And reached home at 8.30pm. Fast eh? Lol. Yea, pretty bored since I'm alone and there's too many people at the gym.

Felt fresh after the workout. I'm loving it ;) Going to miss the gym for a month plus *sigh*

When I reached work, my supervisor and a lady wanted to talk to me. How the heck am I suppose to place the poster onto the intranet? It's impossible and i doubt people will go for it since it's pretty last minute.

Busy busy busy. That's all I could say. *sigh* How do I do podcasting tomorrow? Help anyone?

Anyway, received a box of 16 ferrero rochers. Mmm..Yum yum yum. Thanks Henry for the whole box. How am I suppose to finish up the chocolates when tomorrow is the start of the fasting month?

But still, it's kind of you to give me. I'm soo touched =) Perhaps, you find that I can't have free breakfast anymore. Lol.

Anyway, to all muslims out there, just want to wish

Seriously, I'm very tired. Thou there's not much work today. And, again. I have to push the trolley down to the second floor. It hurts my back. *sigh* Why can't she damn fucking understand that I don't want to push the trolley?

I'm still feeling 50% of going to the gym. Haiz.

Anyway, really. The song Dambaan Cinta really reflects in my life. Part of the song ~


I miss you dearly and it's infinite. Words just can't describe it. And, my hand is damn itchy to just sms or even dial your number.

I really need to do my report by tonight. *groans*

Jei, I miss you too. Where are you? *sigh* I need you badly now.

In seperate event, it shocked me "I really like you..." But...I haven't even meet this person yet. Like I've mentioned in my previous entry, make me weak in the knees. That's when you know I've fallen for you.

Had a tiff with Nasir after I left my main office. Why? Just because I told him that I'm going home with Shasha. In other words, I wanted to put all the conversations on hold, and could continue the conversation again at night or something.

But, the only thing he said was "No, why must you meet her? Tak boleh balik sendiri? Kenapa nak kena balik with her? Tak boleh, tak boleh!"

I was like "Eh. I'm meeting my girl friend ok. Not some other guys". And all he could say was that I can't even meet my own girl friend. Who is he to say yes or no? Besides, I'm not meeting him today, and I have the right to whether I'm meeting my girl friend or not.

I told him that I don't like him to control to who I can meet, especially when its about my girl friends. He can't prevent me from keeping my own friends. What really makes me angry is when he said "That's why you tak kekal with lelaki lain because they never prevent who you can meet. Tak pernah perempuan bantah cakap I. Semua dengar kata I."

I felt like answering him. But, I don't wish to argue much more longer. *sigh* I'm tired of it. It shows that he doesn't even trust me. If I didn't tell him, it means I'm lying. If he's the one who's doing that to me, he's just telling me a white lie. You can eat your own shit, Nasir.

Anyway, met up with my lovely babe just now at Tanjong Pagar control station. Had a quick dinner.

I still remember what imp told me yesterday. "I miss hearing you telling me that you're going to gym, going to masjid, you're meeting your friends...". I was smiling widely and melted ok. Hehe. Told him that I wouldn't be going to gym this month and I had finished my gym training last Wednesday. He sounded disappointed upon hearing it but I assured him that I'll be continuing after puasa. He envys me for having my own activities and keeping in touch with my girlfriends. *smooches him* for understanding me. Thanks sweetheart.

I was grinning ear to ear and blushing at the same time when he said "You wouldn't stop kissing me if I'm in front of you right?" Tau takpe. Bluek. Of course I wouldn't stop. Will just plant my lips on your cheeks for an extreme long time. Know why? Because I miss you, your touch, your voice, your smile, your tease, your smell and everything of you. *blushes*

He called me when I was having a short nap. Asking me what I was doing but I just told him I ain't doing anything. We had our conversation. And...I love the conversation.

He still makes me sinks. He still makes me smile, eventhou I did shed a few tears since I don't want him to go away from me. We talked about it again. I poured my heart out. Yes I fear it too. Don't want it to turn that way.

Told him that I'm letting him achieving his own goals first, while I'm trying to settle 2 things. Job as well as my parents. And, I'm not going to tell about his past to my family members at any cost. I rather risk it. Be it if they finds out. I don't care.

Miss him. Miss his hugs. Miss everything. And vice versa. Glad to hear that. Told him that I actually do want to call him everyday, but I fear he finds me a busybody. He told me not to worry. Just let him find me. And, I want him to find me forever.

He'll be breaking his fast outside most of the time. Asked him if I could join him. All he said was "Insya Allah. We'll see if we can meet. But, I can't hold your hands. Only after breaking fast". I did heard his disappointment.

It doesn't matter to me. As long, I get to see him. He told me he miss the moments he spent with me. So do I, baby. Told him what's on my mind as usual. Miss his teasings. Miss my bucuk. I nearly cried. Told me not to cry for him. He wouldn't be able to take it. Told him that I don't want him to run away from me. He replied "No matter how I tried to run from you, I just can't."

He asked me why I have feelings for him. Told him everything. I just can't hide most of the things away from him. But, I did told him that there are things which I don't intend to tell him. And, I also did mentioned that he pampered me with my feelings as well as baby talks.

His replied was "Syg, you're the one who manja me more, eventhou I did manja you. I miss you..Kiss me sweets". Ok, I'm sinking and smiling all the way! Even after we put down the phone.

Honestly, it's hard to find someone who can really makes me weak in the knees. And, what's more, I find that all the conversations are worth. And, he knows how to capture my heart...

About today? Well, busy day at work. Running here and there, up and down the school. Wow, eventhou it's Monday, I never expect today to be that easy either since it's the start of a new Term ;)

I was on the way home yesterday. Sat on double decker bus. When the bus turned to the bus stop near the MRT, I had the urged to look towards the stairs, near the mobile TV. Suddenly, someone with sort of golden spikey hair appeared.

I held my breathe. "It can't be," I told myself. That particular person looked like imp. I recovered quickly after a few seconds. He might had sensed something. And, this guy sat in front of me. The way the hair was styled, it was exactly the same like him. This guy too have earrings on both ears. And the same body size.

But a few difference which I know this guy is not imp are
1) he can't be taking bus from Ang Mo Kio since he doesn't even live in the north nor east or even north east side.
2) he's working yesterday and he should be in town.
3) he dyed his hair back to black and there's no way he's going to dye to another colour.
4) he doesn't play something like nintendo, which this guy did played yesterday (and apparently, the game was spongebob game. lol. Cute!)

Overall, I miss him. *sigh* I just don't want to lose the feelings which I have for him.

Anyway, didn't go out today. Supposed to accompany my mom to Philips Warehouse sale today at Toa Payoh, but my mom felt lazy. So, I stayed home. And I asked her what she's going to cook today.

As usual, I would just opened the fridge and take a look inside, just to help her decide on what to cook. Suddenly, I remembered that she wanted to make pizza the other time (and also, I was kind of yearning for pizza as I kept seeing the General Office staffs keep on eating pizza and I kept seeing Pizza Hut's catalog). Suggested to her and yey! We made pizza. Mom made the dough, I went to the nearby supermarket to buy some of the missing ingredients as well as Kraft Singles Cheese. Lol.

And guessed what? My pizza (since I'm the only one who eat homemade cheese pizza) was overflowing. Why? I put 6 slices of cheese and lots of topping. Haha. It was smacking delicious. Lol. And right now, I'm kinda full.

1 more day for me to finish up my fasting debts. And 4 more days, including tomorrow to the fasting month.

You know, I really find it's unnecessary to celebrate after we fast for a month. Why? Because, within a year, we fast for a month and we could eat everyday for 11 months. I don't really know how to explain but really, whats so good to celebrate after a month we have fast?

Since morning, i wasn't emotionally stable. Eventhough I tried to do my work, I can't help wondering. And, I'm missing him.

Had a long msn chat with Phoebe. Gosh, I miss her very much. Been years since we last met. And, sounds like she's happy with her man. I'm happy for her definitely. Told me that she might hold her wedding at her man's country in Hong Kong. Wow. Hopefully I can attend her wedding.

I had to let go of my tears. It was unbearable. She read patiently. Thanks dear for listening. *hugs*

Nothing on after work nor tomorrow. Guess, I've to stay at home most of the time. B o r i n g .. *sigh*

Anyway, I've received letter from NTUC about the 512mb mp3 player which I'm supposed to receive.

Can't say much as I don't even know what to blog.

Today isn't so bad. Thou I felt my throat dried up a little. But, so far the day was alright. Wanted to go out today. But, well girlfriends aren't available tonight. Get well soon Shasha & Diah *hugs* I thought of hitting the town tonight, but can't possibly going to town alone. It's so not me.

Lucky there isn't any class tomorrow. Wee ~ ! I'm glad actually. =) Anyway, holiday passed by quite fast *sigh* Need to think of a day to retrieve the certs from the office. Should I asked someone to help me carry about nearly 700 certs back to school?

Anyway, can't stop humming this song. Nice lyrics too. Title of the song : Kekasih gelapku by Ungu.

I really hate it when I'm falling sick. *sigh* I mean, especially when I'm teaching the kids. Just didn't want to spread it to them. And I've been going in and out of the lab quite a number of times today, either to the ladies (just to clear my nose) or up and down the school. Of all those busy times, my program manager (which I mentioned that I had a short tiff with) asked me to send him the new trainees evaluation.

Anyway, had to ensure that it's fax properly as my manager kept on messaging me to fax over before 12pm. I just don't get it why can't they ask me for the documentation earlier. I prefer to scan rather then faxing, but because I had lessons, I asked if I could fax instead.

Today's class, gosh, all I could say is that the kids aren't unleashing their creativity side. I had a snowman example on the screen. And I could say at least 5 kids followed my story. There's no originality! Pretty pissed off actually.

Told them to re-do. And surprisingly, they could give me a better story. And, not only that. I could say about 3 couples of the kids swapped place. Reason? To help the other one to type as he / she is slower in typing. Crap!

Anyway, it was about 5 minutes before end of lesson and there's this Chinese teacher knocked and my door and showed her index finger to show that she wanted to talk to me. I'm extremely pissed off with interruptions. And furthermore, I can't release the kids later then 1.30pm.

She raised her voice "Where's my token?" I told her truthfully that I had not submit yet. But, even if I have submit it, it would take about a week to process. And of course I did told her that every Tuesday, the people will send it back to school. But, mind you, she gave me hers on Friday afternoon. About 4pm. What do you expect? To get a reset password within a day?

And she started to be agitated. I told her I have to release the kids and talk to her later. Straight away I went in and left her alone outside. If she finds that I'm rude, she should REFLECT herself first. I'm only in charge of filling up the forms. There's no need to increase the tone. And I was busy on Friday to complete most of my pending work. And she gave me afte 4pm!

And, the school is not the only one who send in tokens. All the school in this country is using that particular company. And how many thousands of teachers are available through island-wide?

I felt like arguing with her and to tell her off. But, thinking that my kids will hear the quarrel and also I do not want the history to repeat again, I backed out. It's her fault for keying in the students' marks at a very last minute. I even suggest an alternative that she can use other teachers' token to key in. And she INSISTED it's not possible.

Who is she to kid me?? And it's not my first time handling tokens ok. There are teachers, who are willing to go the extra mile to find out if it's alright to use other people's token to enter the cockpit, just to key in the marks. And SHE said it's not possible. Fcuk la. Cut the crap.

You're petite. Yet you don't even know how to control your emotions & temper. Everyday without fail, I will always hear she shouted at the P2. Come on la. You already used the microphone yet you shout. And I'm irritated with it, eventhough I did close my lab door. Still, your stupid squeaky irritating voice could still penetrate into my lab.

And call yourself a teacher. Bah! You should fail your practicum in the first place. And telling me off as thou I'm at fault is a no-no thing. Unless she gave me before 12 noon on Friday, there's still hope that she will get back the token on Tuesday.

And she thought that I'm in charge of resetting the password. Kiss the dead bodies la. I'm so fcuked up with her. Trying to control myself when I saw her again. She gave me that stupid fcuking look. I'm not even scared of it. And I'm not in the wrong. So, what I did was to complain to the General Office.

Whether she like it or not, that's her own damn fcuking problem. It's her own fcuking problem that she keyed in late. And she ain't supposed to blame me. Why are people so stupid in thinking that technology can fail anytime.

So, instead of getting yourself in hot soup, learn how to do it early. And you know what? Even if she wants to create stories about it, go ahead. Because, I've handled most of the staffs' tokens before and they do not have any problem with me. And they did borrow from other teachers to key in the marks. What's so hard about it? Want to know the reason? Because she DOESN'T want to try. And people who aren't patience enough, will find yourself burrying much more deeper intothe grave.

Last gym training with Shakin. He asked if I didn't feel cold at the club. I wasn't feeling cold but I felt as thou I'm tired. Lucky it wasn't a tough one since it's only kinesis and lunges. Thanks Shakin for enduring my nonsense, complains and nagging. Lol. Thou I wasn't feeling well just now, I still went for training since it's my last training. And, surprisingly, I fel freshed after that. ;)

Gosh, I started to feel sick in the early morning. Dragged myself out of the bed, not because I'm sleepy but because I do not have energy to move as well as I felt myself to be down with flu pretty soon.

And, I really hate it when it comes to runny nose. Gosh. I don't know how many tissues I've wasted. Why can't it just stop flowing after I blow my nose? Urgh.

And I don't even have the mood to work today. Just edit a little on the poster which I've done. Except just inserting the words into the poster. I'm not sure what others will think. But I find that it's nicely done (since there's only one praise from my colleague). And the colours symbolised emotions.

So, what do you think about this poster which I've created? Comments please?

Had a long talk with Paul. Thanks Paul for the conversation. At least I do have a company in my lab while I'm working =)

There's soo many things I wish to update here. Lets start one by one.

Friday
Well, went to gym as usual. And he focus on toning down my legs. Eventhou I didn't have enough sleep on previous night, surprisingly I could do it, despite me complaining. And Shakin was impressed that I still have the energy to carry the weights (Because, he did lower down the endurance level but I told him to increase it back).

Saturday
Went for Tea Session in the morning. Kinda bored. Too many stuck up newbies. It really irks me seeing them. Boss told me that he decides to let me stay in school. Yey!! I'm soo glad! Reached home, tidy up the house and slept for an hour before I got ready for dinner.



Dinner at the Holiday Inn Hotel was fabulous. We had Indian food. The opening was tempting. Had chicken satay, boiled chicken, boiled shrimp with mayo and sea blubber (which I don't really like the blubber). As I was about to help myself to boiled chicken, my name was called and I won 51st Lucky draw price. And guessed what? It's a file *groans* Why can't I get the grand price which is a sony ericsson phone or even Microsoft Office?

Sunday
Received phonecall from Nasir (he's the one I'm talking to late at night) in the morning and we're talking about black magics. After which I had another phonecall from a friend of mine. The third phonecall was from Vans.

He told me he just reached Singapore. Wanted to apply citizenship in US, so he came back just to collect his stuffs. Wanted to meet me today but I told him I couldn't. Also, he wanted to meet tomorrow and I told him "We'll see how". The only thing he said was "Never mind. Forget it." I told him off by telling him I don't want to meet him in an area which is convience for him and not for me. Enough of him.

Next phonecall comes from imp. I was really stumped he called me. Thou he messaged me at 6+ am, I didn't expect him to call me today. And I knew he wasn't alright when we had our conversation. I respect his decision. But it saddens me. I know he feared of being rejected by my family, I too feared the same thing. I just don't want that to happen. He was confused, hurt about something. I was nearly in tears. I do want him. I miss him badly..But due to situations, I guessed it's best to just being friends.

I know dear. If we're fated together, we'll strive to go through thick and thin. You're always in my heart too. And hopefully, you're strong overcoming all those things which bothers you as well as things which make you stress up. I'll always pray for you.

Talking to Nasir, felt as thou I was talking to imp. Except, both of them have different zodiacs as well as I know I bound to get very sensitive and easily flare up with Nasir, but not with imp as I find him much more understanding.

But there are some comman stuff we shared (me & Nasir). But the thing is , I know this sounds ridiculous. He had a feeling of something bad might happened or I'm doing ridiculous stuff behind his back. But what both Nasir and imp shared in comman is that both used to be from underground. That's what I can share so far.

It doesn't bother me. The more I know it, the more I want to be with these type of people. I really feel impressed that they are willing to go back to the right track. I'm glad, definitely.

And I don't want to think about it. Really. I wouldn't of course put too much heart and soul for the next one. I just don't want to lose that feelings I have for imp.

What I could remember he said was "No matter how hard I try to run away from you, still I couldn't. I miss you more, the times we had together. And I know, there's no point in running away. B'cause of Allah let me know you, means at all cost we're fated together. But, I don't want to promise you anything as I fear that I can't fulfill it."

And my reply to him was "Dear, in life no matter what, there's bound to have ups and downs. We may be having a hard life now but in the future, we can never predict what actually happen and it can turn out we're having a better life in future. And, of course. Right now, I don't want you to promise me anything. All I want is for you to chase your dreams. Start with yourself and I try be your backbone should you fall. And hopefully you can find a good job very soon. And all I ask from you is not to stress up yourself. That's all."

Honestly speaking, yes I do miss everything of him. I can never forget about him. And I feared that I'm moving on too fast. I just don't want that to happen. And no matter what, I know deep down in our hearts, we're always in each others mind and heart. That's what you said and so do I, except I can't tell you as I don't want to make you more confused.

And, I really have to keep my mouth seal, as I don't want to tell him accidentally about what happened between Vans and me.

I pray for your well-being and may you achieve the things that you desire. As for me, I'm trying hard to make my parents to accept people like him or even himself.