Was supposed to meet up with my friend yesterday but had to cancel it. *sigh* ended up I had to go home since I didn't book any yoga class nor bring my bag. Don't even think of going out since I'm badly broke.

Anyway, slept most of the time while I'm on the way home. Even when I'm at home, I slept after praying for about 20 mins and slept again for about 30 mins. So you can imagine how beat I was. While having dinner alone in the kitchen, I was reading the Berita Harian Malay paper and came across an article.

Under the business econ topic, they mentioned regarding a Japanese Restaurant turning to Halal. And they refer to Sakae Sushi!! Yey!! At last, one great Japanese Restaurant is catering to Halal food. It's not that there's no Halal Japanese Restaurant. But, I heard that Sakae Sushi is the best Japanese Restaurant among the non-halal Japanese Restaurant in Singapore.

I just can't stop beaming with joy that Sakae Sushi is still undergoing process in getting the Halal license. Once it's approved, it will be known as Hae Sushi as they find that the name Sakae is a little inappropriate since Sakae means liquor in Japanese.

They will open in WhiteSand Shopping Centre in Pasir Ris and Paya Lebar too. Also, changing almost all (if I'm not mistaken) to a Halal branch.

Oh, and those people who went to Malaysia to eat at Sakae Sushi, it's not halal actually. Why? According to the paper, they will try to convert all the branches to Halal to cater for Muslim eaters. Oh, and same thing applies to its branches in Indonesia. So, next time be more cautious. Don't always assume that all the food in Malaysia is Halal. As for me, I can't stop drooling. And I'm craving for sushi now.. *slurpss* Ah yes Sushi! Here I come!!

I've been thinking when should I apply my leave when I received email last week from my company's supervisor that I've to clear my leave and the management in my company had allocated the days that I should be on leave. So, no choice I've to stick with the days that they give me which is on 18 to 22 December. That means a week's leave. I still have about another week's leave.

I thought of taking again but yesterday's email changed my mind. I was told by my project manager that I will be on course on 7th to 8th December for CRM course from 8.30am to 5.30pm (don't ask me what's CRM stands for. I'm not very sure) and again for Microsoft PowerPoint course on 11th to 13th December from 8.30pm to 6pm, so that I could take the exam at a later date.

So, in case anyone finding me on these dates, please refer to this entry. And I really hate it especially when I'm on course while I'm working. Why? Because I've to do the damn report. What for? So that the person who's going to replace me will be able to complete my work.

And I don't even know what kind of work I should give him or her. *sigh* I really hate it. And this Saturday I've to take the stupid MsAccess exam again which I haven't even have time to learn. Buck up gal. I can't afford to fail again *sigh* That means I'm getting less pay next month.. Arrghhhh!!


Anyway, attended my uncle's simple wedding on the recent sunday. Well, everyone gathered at my home. And by the time everyone arrived, I have not yet taken a bath. Why? Because I was busy helping my mom in the kitchen to make a hearty breakfast, which eventually a lot of food were not eaten. Well, at least my aunts did bring home some of the food.

The wedding was simple. Went to sims drive via hired bus which Uncle Sono paid for 20 seaters. Then, the solemnised started nearly 11am. After which we went to the opposite block for the lunch. Too bad I don't have the pic of the bride and groom.

well, funny things happened during my "absence" from blogging. Firstly, that Friday was the "last day of school" for the kids as well as teachers. Besides being busy with saving students' work and other stuff, I've to help them with the SVA thingy.


Anyway, on Sat went to Yoga Centre for my workout. Went for the step out then lunch followed by finding shoes for Lia since her shoes broke while doing the aerobics. After which we rushed from class to class for 3 straight hours before we tried the cardio wave machine. Pretty awesome actually. Was envy with the machines, places, lounge (pic below).

Anyway, lots of work. Plus my supervisor keeps incresing my workload and making it more complicated by asking me to do the lab usage again which i had already submitted to him before. *sigh* Had to find out the number of hours spend in the lab for each class, enrichment as well as CCA.

Anyway, it will be hard for me to blog nowadays as firstly, my colleague from my company is here in the school as she's guiding those kids with SVA and secondly due to my workload, I don't think I can do it.

Fell sick since Wednesday. I just don't get it why I always fall sick during the school holidays. Why can't I enjoy being health without getting sick? Is it due to much work? Stress? I don't know..

After a week of emotional stress, waiting and tears shed, finally he messaged me yesterday (after I'm tempted to message him and even before I could message him) asking whether I want to meet him (like duh, which girlfriend doesn't want to meet their partner?) and apologised to me for the misery that he had caused between us. Well, met up with him. Felt nervous as soon as I left my room till the meeting place and till he arrived until I left my free Today paper in the General Office xP

My heart pounded a little faster when I sat there waiting for him (we're supposed to meet at 7pm and since I'm nearer and arrived a bit early so I just sat down there messaging Lia). As the sky turned dark my heart pounded faster.

Saw a bike passing by. Looked like him. I looked at him and that person opened his visor and looked at me while vrooming passed. I thought that person was him but nah, it turned out to be duno who.

Well, anyway he came like 5 minutes late with loud deafening music coming out of his headphone. I waited for him to turn off his music from his mp3, looked at him and looked at the table. He looked at me, looked at his mp3, switched off and short silence. Then he said "Whats with the sad face?"

Looked at him and said "You want me to be happy after what had happened?" Of course he asked me who that person I wrote in the blog whereby I mentioned that I had to choose between him and that person. Obviously I felt my blood drained from my face. It happened last year. Nearly 2 years ago..I know it's my mistake for writing like that. Too scared to tell him thou he promised me that he wouldn't flare at me.

Alas, I told him the truth. But he did gave me a stern tone. I'm supposed to tell him everything. At one point, I was about to cry thou he asked me why should I? Like I said, even if he said he wouldn't flare at me yesterday, still I'm scared he would be flaring at me.

We talked things through and next moment we are ok. Told him some stuffs. Still see his tired face and reddish eyes. I know he didn't sleep well especially since last week. Neither me. Both of us felt miserable thou he didn't tell me what he went through but I think he did go through what I went through. Oh, I think he's getting a goatie or something since he didn't shave those hairs from under his chin.

Missed him of course. I still hear the same heart beat when we hug. Before we parted, I've to always keep this in mind. I'm the one who encourage him to have his degree first, so I've to bear in mind that it he would be extremely busy till he gets that degree. And..he passed his previous exams thou I'm jealous that he can get distinction..

Shasha called me around 10+pm when I was watching CSI: Miami and asked how things turned out but the only thing that came out of my mouth was giggling. Talked to her for awhile and continued watching CSI.

Last Friday it rained heavily. Guessed the rainy season starts sometime beginning of this month. Oh well, you see after it rained, obviously the ground will be wet. But I noticed something. Dead flowers on the ground which fell from the nearby tree. Initially the flowers bloomed lovely on the trees but when it withers and fell to the ground, people just stepped on it , crushing the beautiful petals underneath their footwear.

There, I have this sudden feeling that maybe my fate is nearly the same as these flowers. One moment you are beautiful and sweet, and next moment nobody cares about you. Journey continues as I headed home. In front of where I stood in the MRT carriage, I noticed a couple. Both held their hands together, lovely and giggling happily.


But it disturbed me. Thou it's nice to see couples enjoying their time together. I looked away each time I saw them getting cosy with their partners even if they were just holding hands or hugging each other in the public. It's not that I'm against it or something. But isn't it wonderful if it happens to you instead of you watching all that happening in front of you?

Time passed by and it had been a week. Thanks to those who console me thou I haven't fully recovered. And these past week, tears had been rolling down my cheeks constantly especially when I'm alone. Like yesterday, upon reaching work, I just let go my emotions the moment I sat on my chair. Read my previous entry and I couldn't stop my eyes from being watered. Maybe I'm fated to go through this.

And yes, I do have the urge to contact him but will he reply me back? The same loving guy which I yearn? I'm not sure. I can't read his mind. All this while, I've been fighting with myself, that are my brain and my heart. Thou my brain says something else, my heart rejects every suggestion the brain give. End up I feel a little stress.

This picture I took at the Esplanade last Saturday. Interesting art display. All made from sort of wire thou the wires are thick. All are based on human figure. From a baby figure to a figure of a single man or woman, a head, a body without the head and so on. I know it's kind of not that clear but then, I love those arts. Pretty unique.

Met up with my bestest bestfriend, Shasha on Saturday after I collected the certificates from my office. Hang out at Orchard thou most of the time I ended waiting for her for about 1h+ with the cold wet weather outside CK Tang.

Then went to Vivo City whereby there's plenty of people there and the most sickening was that this woman shouted at my ear to call out someone named Samuel. Of course the only thing I said was "Bodoh!" But apparently that woman is a Chinese. So I'm not that sure whether she understand what I was saying. At least, I did rub my ear showing that loud noise was being transmitted to my ear thou it's covered with my scarf. Watched the U2 & G2000 fashion show before heading back to town whereby we hanged out at MacD for dinner before heading home.
Oh and not forgetting our photo-whoring in the Mrt while on the way home.

But despite all that, I just can't prevent myself from getting melancholy. And went for my theraphy class yesterday (didn't go for my hot yoga as both me & shasha couldn't make it on time). Thou we did laughed during the class, still that feeling doesn't goes away. Maybe I was thinking, does he still have feelings for me? Or does he wants me out of his life? I don't really know. And waiting for him is a torture since he didn't even tell me how he is. But honestly, is it wrong that I want some attention from him?

And is it wrong for me to ask? I just don't know. Asked Ben and he too told me to wait. But for how long? *sigh* I'm sorry Ben for bothering you. I know you just went through a rough time over your recent heartbreaking moments, but netherless you helped me so much as thou not to think too much out of what I'm going through. And not forgetting the rest. Thanks soo much. I wouldn't forget your supports.

Why must you bring up my past blog entries? You didn't even tell me which blog you're referring to? I've kept a blog based on my feelings for you, a blog based on daily life, and other blogs for random stuff.

Yes, I'm seeking attention from you. Is that wrong? I know that you're busy with your studies as well as work. But have you ever think about me? How am I doing? How am I surviving? Am I asking too much from you? Despite knowing that I can't always meet you because of your schedule, did I ever make a big issue about that? I truly understand about it. But I just want you to once in a while contact me. Not once a month, at least once every two weeks. Is that really hard for you to meet with my request?

Why didn't you answer me when I ask you some questions?? Why must you avoid me? Is it because you have someone else? I don't want to think negative. But you drove me into thinking about it.

Do you know how sad I am each time I saw couples outside? I don't dare to tell you that. I envy them. Keep asking myself why I can't have something like that. At least a small attention from you. I'm afraid..Afraid that you flare up at me because I'm asking too much.

Do you know I always broke down when you're not around, when I'm feeling lonely? I just can't control my tears from falling. I know I don't want to lose you at all.

But part of me says that I should let you go, while a part of me says that I shouldn't. Is it wrong to have a crush on others? But wouldn't it be alright if I don't even go out with the person whom I have a crush on? I don't know. I thought it might be alright.

I spend some months and years waiting for you. All I ask is that you contact me, especially when you're in town. That's all. Is it really too much?

And yet, you flare up at me. Never once you do that to me. You know how fragile my heart is when you do that? The moment you spit out that words, you shattered my dreams, my hope. You don't know how much tears I've shed for you and how many times my eyes became swollen.

That's why each time I meet you, I treasure the moment together. But do you? It just hurt me soo much. You know I love you.

Tell me the truth. If you really have someone, then I'll step out of your life thou it's hard for me to do so. If you hate me, tell me the reason why? I don't need a reason why you love me because I will know whether you're sincere.

But if you keep most of the things from me, how am I suppose to know you more? And once again, no I don't have other men in my life besides you. Why can't you believe me? Don't tell me all these years you never once believe in me?

I'm giving you all the space that you want. I just don't want to be scolded anymore. I'm not a kid. But that doesn't mean you can scold me wihout telling me the reason. I know sometimes it's best to let go and see if it's ours, it will come back.

Let me give you a scenario. Read, think and comment please.

You are deeply in love with your partner. You have been together for a few years. At first, everything went smoothly. Your partner had to be frequently in and out of the country. You meet up your partner about once every 1 to 3 months. You can only contact your partner if your partner contacts you. Your partner promises to email you but after a countless emails you send to your partner, he / she only reply back once.

And when you finally get to meet up with your partner, you are too speechless to talk as you rather listen then talk. And each time during the meeting, his / her phone keeps receiving incoming calls / messages. And each time, the meeting last between 30 minutes to one hour.

As seconds turn into minutes, minutes turn into hours, and it turns to days, followed by months and years, your partner starts to unveil his true character. Initially, he told you he was out of cash and wanted a few tens. Out of pityness, you lend some since you loves your partner.

As time passes by, your partner increases the amount of money which he/ she wants to borrow. Eventually, you just can't say no to your partner since you have faith that one day, your partner will pay back what he/she owns.

Soon, your money starts to deplete in your bank account and can only depend on your salary. No money left, and you have to starve yourself each day. You can only have one meal per day, that's only when you reach home.

Your partner flares up at you when you told him / her that you do not have money to spare. End up, he / she do not meet you until you lend the money.

What would you do if your partner borrows money which is nearly double your salary and have not even pay back a single cent?

Where should I begin? Ok, let me start with last Wednesday.

You see, last Monday went to one of the Yoga centre at the CBD area with Lia for the trial session. We booked for the therapy session. An Indian instructor led the class. It was cold at first. And I did find the first part of it a bit un useful. Maybe because I'm not the person who can visualize a bird flying while you're at the beach. And suddenly you have to say "Ooommpp". I don't know what's that for. And we had to do balancing on one leg and focus at the corner of the map so that we can be stable. Of course I can't close my eyes while balancing. Furthermore, I was wearing track pants and my foot kind of slipped down my thighs.

We did the lying down, raised our feet to the air, tried to place our feet behind our head, then bending over while facing up, all those stuff which I had done when I was in primary school. The only part, which the instructor did, was to make me bend more. And he applied a bit of pressure. After an hour, I felt my right side a bit sore. Maybe it's because I felt a bit of muscle stretch while I was doing one part of it. But after that, I'm ok. And guessed what? The therapy really works. How? Made me feel sleepy when it's about 7+ on wards. I can't stay awake after 11pm.

On Thursday night, after I reached home from work, my brother told me that my dad had bought the glass to replace the empty place where the previous glass top was. And my mom opened a story saying my cousin Dino came to my home, wanting to pass the glass which he had bought to my parents around 4pm. According to my mom, he was finding my dad because he was scared to meet my mom (maybe because he heard that my mom flared up the other day). He waited outside my home since my parents did not let him in. Why? Because he would leave the glass which he had bought, whereas my dad had already buy a glass top. So, obviously my dad didn't want cousin Dino's glass. When my dad came out of the room towards the main door after the prayers, my dad scolded cousin Dino. Mom said that cousin Dino was close to tears.

Gee, I can't believe my dad flared up with other people's child. And when my dad was angry, he wouldn't let the other party say something. Why did my dad flared up? Because my dad mentioned to cousin Dino that he need not replace the broken glass top. The only thing which my parents want was cousin Dino and his wife's apologizing. And this cousin said "I thought I've apologise to you" to my mom. And my mom said "No, you never apologise. You and your wife the same!"

And before cousin Dino left for home, he told my parents "Never mind. I bring home the glass. If the glass top is broken, just call me and I will give you the glass." Upon hearing that, my mom said "We rather keep the glass in tip top condition then breaking the glass again!"

On Friday, Aunt Jun aka Cik Mamai came to my home with her family. When I arrived home, they were already in my home. After the wash up, sat there and my cousin Shafiqah starts to disturb me. Lol, it's like we're inseperable. Hehe. We always tickle each other. And she did something to my hair. Haha. Then my aunt said "You lose a lot of weight. The other time you were chubbier." I looked at myself and denied that I lose some weight. I don't know if I do lose some weight. But am happy with the way I am except I need to prevent extra meat in my stomach from bulging.

On Saturday, went to Aunt June's house first at Clementi before going to my foster grandma at Jurong East. Then we went down to Pak Uda's house at Sembawang before going to Cik Ros's house at Khatib. Well, initially we wanted to go to about 8 houses that day but 4 families were not at home. So we stayed at Cik Ros's house a bit longer. There, I met Aunt Jun's family again. And they were asking whether I'm following them to JB this Monday (today) but because I gotta know on Thursday, I couldn't take off as I need to have 3 days in advance. Furthermore, I'm needed on Monday, so I guessed it's ok. But my cousin Shafiqah was disappointed. Why? Because she can't "bully" me. Haha. Watched 4 VCDs on Hidayah that day. It was scary. All the shows are based on real stories. And we had our first meal at 6+pm on that day. Most of the time we ate goodies at the other 3 homes. I had mee soto which I added 1 rice cake as well as 2 chicken wings. By then, I was full and couldn't drink anymore soft drinks.

And my cousin Diyana didn't talk to me except for asking how many houses my family and I had went to on that day. That was when her boyfriend's family arrived. I'm soo disgusted that she kind of show off her boyfriend. I mean besides being jealous of course. But still, on most occasion, she will always ask her boyfriend to come. Like the other time, cousin Lin's wedding, she insisted her boyfriend to attend the wedding when the boyfriend feel bad because he feels that he's not yet a part of the relatives. And when he didn't want, she cried. I was like "WTF?"

Never mind about that. Yesterday, went to 3 houses. Initially we wanted to cover 4 houses but Pak Andak's family were not at home. So first we went to Tampines to my Aunt's place near the Temasek Poly while the other was at Central. Talked to my Pak Busu whereby he advised me to take up driving license and think about what the others have done like driving slower then the speed limit or something like that. Then we went to Yayi Ju's home at Hougang. At first, we knocked the home but no one respond. We called a few times but only the first time rang while the rest of the phonecall can't get through. Only when we were about to walk down the stairs, then my Nyai Gan called us by the staircase.

Pity my Yayi Ju because his feet were swollen black. Although he's old, I just can't bear to see him suffering. And the thought of losing another Yayi makes me feel sad. Why? Because I've already lost my Yayi when I was a teenager. I never ask late Yayi to tell me stories. But only thing was that late Yayi likes to bring gifts or food for his grandchildren. As for Yayi Ju, there's a lot of things to know. All I know was that, when Yayi Ju was young, he was a sailor. He could speak numerous language since he was a sailor and would return home like every 6 months.

Then went to Mak Long's home at Seng Kang area. I was tired by then. Listening to her stories which she will always come to the same part makes me felt more sleepier. About 5pm then we went home. Thank God that we didn't have to continue with the visiting. Makes me feel lazy. And at night, cousin Yan came home with his family. The only thing which I do not like about cousin Yan and his eldest brother, cousin Long is that they like to call me using my nick name. But in the scarstic tone. For example, they wanted to tell their children, "That's Aunty Nickname", which makes me feel insulted. Especially that cousin Long which I really despise a lot. Haiz, enough talking about them.

Currently, I'm stress thinking about what to write for the essay which I had to give my boss. I don't even know what is the best way to promote IT to students to make them more interested in learning IT. And honestly, I don't think it's my job to come out with ideas.

And currently, I'm supervising Primary 4 students in their End of Year Project whereby they are supposed to create a poster or bookmark. But I told them to create poster since I don't know the size of the bookmark. And not only that. I have 3 classes within a day. And most of the time I had to go through the revision on how to use Adobe Photoshop Elements since most of them forgotten how to use it eventhough they had learnt it during the beginning of the year. Oh, seeing that they are P4, I still remember my time, whereby I attend swimming lessons which the school subsidized.

Whenever I saw some classes went for swimming lessons while the rest attend IT lessons with me, it really reminds me when I was in primary school. And my swimming lessons were unforgettable. Why? Because, first time I wore swimming suit. And happened to be that swimming suit belongs to my sister who was 4 years older then me. And not only that. That swimming suit have the bra function too. So when I wore, looks like I'm having a voluptuous asset, which at that point of time, I do not have yet. And the first person who had a crush on me was my instructor. Haha.

We were supposed to swim a short distance from the side of the pool to the centre of the pool where the instructor stood. First time I swam, quite ok. But when I reached him, I could stop. But when I tried to stand up, one of my leg float up. He hold my waist and told me that I have to have a special lesson, together with the rest who can't really swim.

And he would always spend time with my group instead of the groups who can swim. And a few times, I felt his arms around me, below my chest. I too, had a crush on that instructor. Lol. I was small then. Very decent. Lol. And that instructor too helped me a lot to ensure that I could swim well. Until the test day, suppose to swim breast stroke, floating and breast stroke again. But when the 2^nd breast stroke, I was out of breathe. And nearly swam diagonally. And the person who invigilate us was my instructor's friend since my instructor injured his arm. I had a feeling I failed my swimming test, but end up I passed. Till now, I still wonder why. Haha.

Okok. I think I stop writing till now. I guessed I will type an entry or two based on my childhood. A very unforgettable childhood I had from young till I'm a teenager. I guessed I will jot down everything here for those who wish to know more about myself. Till then, peace out ~