It was an unexpected date, I could say. I was just msn-ing bestie about wanting to have a bowl of ramen when Zam called around lunch time. Well, he called me in the morning thou telling me that he had not top up his card as he's in process of changing number (um..to avoid some people..oh well..).

Asking me if it's alright to meet up yesterday. Well, since bestie might be meeting her fiance, I thought why not?

Met him just outside my work and I was like 10 to 15 minutes late (my fault. I finished up my tasks a bit late, touch up and was on the phone at the same time and I lost track of time =/ ). I'm feeling pretty nervous since it's been sometimes since I last sat on a bike. He asked me again if I'm alright before we proceed to Downtown East. And I was soo stiffed on his bike. Told him I need sometime to adjust myself. (The fact is..I'm actually comfortable in hugging the rider, but since it's my first meeting with him, don't ever expect me to hug him..)

We can't decide on which movie to watch (Wanted to watch Drag me to Hell but reviews shown that the movie sucks big time..oh well..). He was asking me which show should we watch and my eyes were glued on the trailer of I Love You, Man. Haha. Ended up we watched it =P

Pssst: It's the 3rd movie I'm watching within this month. Omg, I'm loving it ;)

Nice show, story, plot & damn funny. But to those who do not like vulgar, please don't watch it. And they do talk about sex. Haha.

And during the show, Zam was asking me "Do girls shared everything about their guys?" *grins* Well, I can say it's about 80% to 100% depending on how comfortable she is into sharing those information with her girlfriends. Haha.

But, during the show, I was being disturbed by the movie-goer who sat beside me. She purposedly shone her hp's light to the side of my eyes and it distrupt me =/ So inconsiderate! Da tu, leh bebual and I heard sobbings from the two of them too! WTF!

Anyway, after the movie, headed down to Changi Village to get a late dinner before proceeding home. And otw home, I felt as thou I wanted to doze off. But since he's riding in fast speed, it's better to stay awake then dozing off. Haha.

Seems like we're meeting again ;)

And that Faizal, omg he's soo irritating. Why should I bother telling him if I'm meeting my bestie or just friends? For god's sake, I'm not even his girlfriend. Grr...!

Chatted with Lela yesterday night. Sorry babe that you know it later as it's hard to get to get through you nowadays. She's much more angry than me on what had happened. She told me thou it was the first time she saw him during her open house the other time, she thought..well.. you know..he's not that sort of guys.

Well, looks can be deceiving. That's why the saying "Never judge the book by its cover" exist. Don't worry babe. I'm doing great without him =) And he's not worth to "killed" haha.

This two songs below is the closure of my chapter with him. For, I'm moving on, strong with the help of my friends =)

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

It's been sooooo quiet at work nowadays. Perhaps they are making it as a precaution as all activities are cancelled this week =D Wee~! Peace at last! Haha.

On the other hand, I'm feeling lethargic nowadays. *sigh* The ache of tiredness is killing me. And I've been waking up late nowadays =/ Perhaps, I should make a trip down to the spa soon. Anyone? Bestie, you're on?

The songs says it all in these 2 songs.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Thou I thought initially there's hope and since I was on mc yesterday due to gastric ,which I didn't expect it to happen to me at all, I did some thinking.

Thought through carefully. Talked to Stevo and a couple more guys for their opinions. And I've decided to let go of it. If he ever read this, which I'm doubting, it's better for me to leave and move on.

Sad and frustrated that you just leave me in the lurge instead of fighting for me, which you used to. *sigh* I just hope you're truly happy with her. That one sentence made me realise that you find me not worth fighting for.

But talking to you wouldn't be the same again.

I would rather move on than winning your family's heart which lead to marriage and then a divorce. For, I don't wish to shatter the pieces into mini pieces.

The memories we had, will always linger in my mind.

To his family :
I'm sure you guys are glad with the"downfall" but just to let you know that you're the most heartless human beings living in this earth, despite being religious.


For, I don't truly didn't give my respect in the first place ever since you hate me. Entah apa lagi yang dilakukan tanpa my pengetahuan. And I'm sure that you as an Ustazah should know that memfitnah orang, dosa nya lebih besar dari membuat maksiat / membunuh orang.

Thou you've insulted my dignity, I shall always remember that. I just don't get it why I've to be your victim. Just to let you know, no matter what I wouldn't forgive for what you've did to me, by making me suffer, by losing my face, etc. Akan kamu menerima balasannya pada satu hari & by then confirm menyesal tak sudah.

Just remember, Allah is Great.

To Ewanz :
Thank you for showing to me who am I to you all this while.


Like the saying goes


This downfall will be my strength & my stepping stone. And you & your family shall be surprised when you come across me in the future =)

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Gaming till late morning as I'm not going work today. The cramp is unbearable that it stretches till today.

And I learnt something. And now it fits perfectly. Saw Ewanz in game. Helped him level up. That sentence he said, made me ask him about what exactly happens.

And he confessed. I never knew that I would get the answer yesterday. But the only thing I know is that he will tell me in-game soon.

He asked me why am I so understanding and whether it's because of the bill. Well, I'm understanding even if it's not because of the bill. And I probed him one question after another.

I asked him about the lady. She's not wearing tudung and is older than him.

Which leads me to further question on when he got together with her and whether its 2 months ago? His reply was yes but he added that he knew her since 1998.

Frustration started to overcome me and I even asked if he was dating her all the while and that she knew I was with him all along? His reply was no they didn't date before and that she knew about me.

And he made a confession that his family doesn't like me. From there, everything started to fall into place. He told me that his family wanted him to break away from me and be with the lady..

I knew it! But, why are they so heartless? Pangkat aje Ustazah, tapi menghancurkan perhubungan anak sendiri. Puas hati jangan jadi Ustazah. Menghancurkan kebahagian orang lain. Pfftt.. I'm sooo pissed. Yet, I don't know if I should be trying my best to win their hearts.

But he did ask what about her if i manage to win their hearts? It broke my heart. And because of that, I bluntly asked him can't he do the same thing to her like what he did to me? I did ask why he's willing to listen to them when they dont favour him much? Because he have to? *sigh* He didn't reply me when I asked him that he's willing to give up love for the sake of matchmaking eventhough he stood firmly that he's not going to get married? *sigh*

And all that because of the mom doesn't like me as she caught me and him in the house alone. But we were innocent. No ill intention, no hidden agenda when I was with him. Why us? Why not his young sister? She always bring her boyfriend back home especially when there's no one around. It's sooo unfair.. Reason? Because they like her and not Ewanz.. *sigh*

I did told Cik Mamai before and she told me before not to give up if his mom doesn't like me. Because thats what happen to her when she knew Uncle Zai. If not because of her, perhaps I would have long left him.

*sigh* I dont know if I should be planning in winning their hearts. If I have to, I dont want it to be too late =/

Perhaps I should drop by and ask Cik Mamai for her opinion.

Last Saturday, went down to Downtown East with Kakak for lunch at Seoul Garden (there's no longer Bulgogi Restaurant and the parent is Seoul Garden). We were almost full. I wanted to eat the ice cream but I know that 1 more spoon, I might just puke there. Lol.

Anyway, after that we caught Monlien. Oops. I mean Monsters vs Aliens. Cute and funny show. Lol. Should go and watch it if you haven't watch it.

The insectosaurus is the cutest among all. Haha.

Anyway, I dont know why my emotions have been fluctuating so badly. When I thought it over, I realised that I don't even know myself. Hmm. Sometimes, when I feel like crying, I just wish that I could let it out but, I don't really wish for others to see me crying.

Can't do that at work, thou it's the holidays as the staff are around. Can't do it at home as my family are around. Can't do it outside as there's people everywhere *sigh*

I guess, the only way is to suffer in silence =/

I think it's time.
This is what I've been hearing countless time. And somehow, I thought I'm strong enough to keep it within me. But, I was wrong.

There's one conversation which Mikey told me something which sounds like "Don't let the sorrows hurt the beautiful you. Cry out as much as you want to, to release the pain and hurt of that relationship". He made me cry.

Wanda nearly made me cry last night when she mentioned "Bf come and go but friends are here to stay.."

And yet, again in the morning when I was talking to Stevo. And one of the educators caught me in tears. The other saw me having red eyes (-_-")

Thank you all, including Bestie thou I know she's more angry with what he did.

Honestly, before he even message me that way 2 days ago, I caught myself staring at the phone but somehow the feeling is not there anymore. I guess, thats the sign.

Therefore, I need company of those I can rely on, to make me move on to continue the rest of my chapter..

Met up with Haney yesterday. The best thing, as thou we promised to wear pink yesterday. Haha. My first date with her after almost 6 years I known her. Lol. Went Swensen for dinner as she was craving for Chili Fish Pasta before accompanying her shopping.

P.S: Visit Haney's Multiply for more pics ;)

Anyway,

I know how hard you try to push me away. But somehow I feel that the reasons you gave me doesn't give me any satisfaction nor logical, thus I was hoping to find the truth as to why you're being so difficult.

I already knew where I stand 2 months ago. But there's no need to go to the extend of hurting me more like this. Because, the conversation I had with Haney, made me realise something thou she doesn't know the truth.

Thou I know you tried ways to make me forget me, even by lying to me that you have someone..you just can't make me have a change of heart. Call me naive or stubborn or anything. Nobody can change the way I think nor I feel. Nobody. Not even my parents, my family, friends or even my hammie.

I know the concern, I know why you did that. But that's not the way. Yes, I don't wish to end up like Kakak. But, some things are not meant to be force.

Thou it hurts, thou tears keep on rolling down despite me not wanting to shed any tears, still I just can't control it. Some say it best to let it out. But, I dont wish to let it out. Let it stay within me. Quit asking me to forget him nor to find someone to replace him.

Because I know I can't bring myself to do it. No matter how many advices I received from different people, I just can't. For, let me just this once decide on what I want.

Nobody can force another person's heart. Nobody. For, I don't believe in forcing others against their own will.

No matter what, don't try to force me as I don't wish my heart to turn as hard as a rock.




To Mama & Abah, Happy Wedding Anniversary which falls on 31st May / 1st June. May it last till eternity.