It had been quite sometime since I last typed something here. Therefore, I missed blogging. So many ups and downs as well as frustrations I’ve encountered during those days that I didn’t blog. I missed you bloggie. Sometimes, I felt that you’re (bloggie) the only one who understand my inner feelings and what I desire as well as what I hate. Perhaps, that’s why I typed my thoughts down. As such, I do sometimes feel that life is soo unfair, but because of destiny and fate, I can’t say much but accept what lies ahead.

Thou I didn’t cry that I’ve lost a friend, which we didn’t communicate for quite sometime, as we lost contact, that doesn’t mean that I’m heartless. I accepted his separation with the world (family and friends). When I was paying a visit at his home and also at Darul Ma’wa, sometimes I wonder, will anyone pay a visit to me when they know that (in future) I passed away? Will anyone pray that all my sins are being forgiven, so that I do not get severe punishments? Will these people, whom I considered as family and friends, make an effort? I don’t know. But it really makes me wonder. I pray to Allah that his sins are being forgiven.

Being busy at work is the most common thing in life. I know that sometimes, being too busy is not that good. People will say this person is too hardworking, or some might even think that the person doesn’t know how to manage their time well. But sometimes, I felt that people are taking others for granted. It’s frustrating when they make use of your services and they didn’t pay you or even thank you for all the work which you have done for them, accordingly.

I’ve done countless times to create a short few minute clips from the unprofessionally taken video clip. And spending two weeks to examine and decide on which part I should take was quite a tough one (at work and at home), as I had to sacrifice most of my time to concentrate fully on this instead of my other pending task. Re-editing the clips, after which you find is quite alright, is very frustrating. Endless sleepless nights as well as times consumed at workplace were not taking into consideration. What they wanted was a perfect job done but behind the scene, a lot of suffering. *sigh*

And of all the busy time, the most crucial part of all, whereby countless times promises are being broken. As a result, I fear that I wouldn’t buy those promises anymore, when competitions kick in. Promise to finish up at least a week before deadline, is very common. Not cooperating is the main factor. Thou they can seek help from me, that doesn’t mean I’ve to do the best for them as the rules and regulations forbid us to help with the competition (as in do the whole thing) except guiding. Don’t they know what’s the meaning of guiding?

It just feels hurt when I’m being accused of doing the competition for this year better than last year, or helping other groups to win the competition rather then this particular group. Who’s fault was it in the first place when I’ve already told them to focus rather then to chit chat nonsense, which is not even related to the whole competition? They rather waste time then giving their 100% effort. When the deadline approaches, they just dumped everything to me, hoping that I could finish it up and do the best for them to ensure that they win.

And when someone asked another person to help send the competition, doesn’t mean you can make empty promises and eventually I’ve to do it myself. I’m tired of all these empty promises. Why can’t you just tell you can’t do it in the first place? Wasting my transportation fare when you yourself have a car and it doesn’t take a lot of time. *sigh* again, felt as thou I’m a free labour.

Rest days kicks in. It felt wonderful. Gotten back my sleep, managed to clear my eyebags but only temporary. The tremendous workload is the main culprit to my eyebags. Spending whole day in town for just a day, watching movie and hanging out, felt as thou I don’t owe anyone anything in life. But as night kicks in, the feeling starts to change. People will be waiting for me. Joy will turn into sorrow and frustration, only me and my bloggie knows. They can’t survive without me. They had been pampered. Thou I don’t mind helping, that doesn’t mean that I don’t mind with the workload. The workload, which is equivalent to about 4 people’s work, starts to kill me mentally.

Handling all by myself, is way impossible. Breaking down is very common, regardless where I am, all by myself. Waiting for the day, for the assistant to arrive seems to be very far. It seems as thou there’s once again, will be empty promises. And worse, I couldn’t even recall some stuff. Perhaps, I’ve misplaced it. Perhaps, someone took it without my knowledge. It hurts my brain too much, making it bleeds slowly. And it’s not my fault, as workload after workload is waiting for me. They shouldn’t blame me. They should blame themselves. They should have known that my lab is not private.

As for love? Well, it seemed that it’s out of question. New list had been created, but there are some names need to be strike off. Making me feel like a fool waiting for the other, for no particular reason. Perhaps, I should even stop making a list. Sometimes it doesn’t come one at a time. When I’m in need of love, a handful will appear, making me in a difficult state to choose. But, even if I choose one now, will I ever be happy in the future?

Sometimes, I do felt as thou I’m cheating them. But, do they ever think that way towards me? Should I even consider that in the first place? Perhaps, it’s too early for love to enter my life. Love in the family, should first be presence before love with someone else. But will they understand? Will they even accept it? I doubt so. Thou a few had captured my heart, I couldn’t say that I want to be with them now. And it depends on my destiny and fate.

People don’t get it. I know I’ve ranted this again and again. But all these things had been bothering me non-stop. Family, friends, work, clients, love. Sometimes, I felt it’s quite a crazy thing to do by posting this online. People will read. People change. But will people understand what I’ve been through? Answer is no even if (you read this) in your heart you answered yes. Why? Different people goes through different things in life. There’s no such thing that people encountered exactly the same challenges, well, we can just say people will encounter something quite similar to the challenges which I’ve gone through.

But as for empty promises, I will definitely say that most people will at least encounter one similar empty promise and promises over promises.

Oops, I better go now. Newbie with me. Gosh, he's early xP